Some days, I get really frustrated in my walk with God. It can seem like I’m not getting the answers I need, or God’s timing is taking too long. I begin to question his promises and the validity of his words. I’m tearing up just writing this because the struggle has been real. Especially when walking through a season of what feels like utter silence from the Lord. I once told God that conversing with you is like pulling teeth. I felt like I was toiling so hard to know what he wanted from me and which direction he wanted me to go. Looking back on it, I was not struggling with Him. I was toiling with my desires. The fact that I didn’t know when or how my desires would come to pass. I wasn’t sure if I was doing what God called me to do. Or even if I was a “good” enough, “consistent” enough, “daughter-like” enough Christian to even receive an answer from the Lord. But as always, God showed me mercy. I kept “pulling teeth” by reading his word, and he led me one morning to John 6. If you’ve ever felt like what I described above, I want you to give your attention to what I’m about to share. Sometimes, we get so caught up in the urgency of what we want we miss the intimacy we need. I call this Manna Mentality. I’ll explain.
If you haven’t read John 6, take a look. It’s the aftermath of the famous miracle of Jesus feeding the 5000 with five loaves of bread and two fish. The crowd continues to follow Him. They get into boats and trail Him to the next town. The dedication! But Jesus confronts them with the truth that they only followed him for food, more bread, but not the living bread. He compares the want for this bread to another miraculous sign from the old testament, Manna. Manna was the bread from heaven to feed the Israelites daily on their journey to the Promise Land. It satisfied the people for a moment, but they still died. What Jesus had to offer was eternal satisfaction which leads to eternal life.
So, first of all. These people had faith, and these people are me, lol. Being willing to discuss your desires with God takes having faith that he is listening and capable of meeting your wants and needs. Big or small, God wants to be the one that is your source. The Bible states that our help comes from the Lord, to ask him for things with unwavering faith, and it is God’s pleasure to give gifts to his children. Besides, people asked for food ( a need to be met) and to see a miraculous sign (an act of God). What could be wrong with that? Jesus wanted them (and us) to understand that we can have more than needs met and a miracle. These are the acts of God, but we can go deeper into the ways of God. What does that mean? Exodus says the people of Israel knew the acts of God, but Moses knew his ways. Moses had a deeper revelation of intimacy with the Lord. The Israelites knew what God had done. Moses knew who God IS. We can have God’s attention, know God’s character, feel God’s tangible presence, or have a 1-time performance.
Jesus’s comparison to Manna also makes me think about the expectation of the people. They were asking for things God had done in their ancestors’ lives and what Jesus had done differently a few hours ago. But Jesus wanted them to see that this eternal thing is new. It’s fresh oil. When we come to the father asking for something but with no relationship, we often ask too small. Why? Because we can only ask from a place of previous experience or what we deem acceptable. But asking from the relationship stance breaks the limitations off in every capacity. Even your request began to change. God’s word says exceedingly abundantly above all. Your mind can even fathom what is exceedingly abundantly and above all from God’s perspective if you don’t seek his perspective.
If you, like me, are sometimes toiling, you’re wrestling with the fact that you are desperate for God to perform, but you’re even more desperate for HIM. That internal war you feel is a conviction. Not that asking God for things is wrong, but the conviction that God is so much more. He’s so much more than coming to him for what you want disguised as the routine of prayer and worship. It frustrates you because you don’t want Him; you want what you want and still know you are selling yourself short.
God’s blessing and abundance are the beginning and the overflow of a relationship with him. God’s perfect timing happens when you walk at pace with him. His perfect will is when you overturn yours for His. But to do that, you must develop a genuine friendship with the Lord. You must come for the Living Bread and not the Manna. Let’s talk about this friendship in the next read.
Love,
KC
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